How Harry Potter will end
by Solo By Choice
Summary: This will be a hundred possible endings to the seventh Harry Potter book. COMPLETELY NONSENSICAL!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: These just occurred to Wolffe and me and so voila. We are insane and we know it. We plan on writing 100 versions with the last being the one we REALLY think is going to happen. Disclaimer: All of these ideas are ours, but the characters aren't (sniff). How Harry Potter will end… 

Version One: "Trip"

Curses and Jinxes fly through the air as the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix battle it out. In the midst of it all are Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort, exchanging spells madly. "Harry!" someone cries. It is Neville, running toward the battle of the two greatest wizards of all time (bar Dumbledore). Suddenly he trips; his wand hand flies out in front of him toward the fray and his chin hits a rock and bounces, making a noise that sounds oddly like "Avada Kedavra." Voldemort is suddenly illuminated with bright, green light. He screams in rage that he has wasted his life chasing after the wrong boy and points his wand at Neville, but it is too late; the most evil wizard in the world falls to the ground dead. With a cry of anguish and confusion, the Dark Lord's minions flee as the ground rumbles and Voldemort's wand explodes with a sonic boom.

Version Two: "Lockhart's Line"

Harry panted, glaring up at Lord Voldemort from where he had been tied to a gravestone. "Just kill me, why don't you?" he spat at the hated dark wizard. "Harry, Harry, Harry…" tutted Voldemort, "I will; don't you worry. But first I would like to introduce you to…me." Harry was astounded; he watched, amazed, as Voldemort began to remove his…mask? It looked so real…Finally the false skin was peeled back and Voldemort turned to face Harry. Harry cried, aghast, for the face before him was none other than that of Albus Dumbledore, his wise mentor and the one man in the world that he trusted. But no…as Harry looked closer, he discovered that it wasn't Dumbledore after all, or, at least, it wasn't Albus Dumbledore…Voldemort must have understood Harry's expression, for he smiled and said, "Yes. Now you finally see me as I truly am; the black sheep of the family: Aberforth Dumbledore!"

Version Three: "Silver Hand"

"Avada Kedavra!!" cried Harry's voice—and two others. One he had expected: Voldemort, who looked just as surprised as he. But the other…A small figure clad in Death Eater robes had made this curse: Peter Pettigrew, demasked and pointing his wand at Voldemort. He looked terrified, but his silver hand, the one Voldemort himself had given him, was steady. All this took place in a matter of seconds; in the end, no one knew quite whose spell hit who, but after the blinding green light cleared, Harry stood alone beside the bodies of the redeemed and the evil one.

Version Four: "Mithrandir"

As Voldemort raised his wand to perform the killing curse, everyone was suddenly blinded by a pure, white light. From the center of this light a voice spoke, saying; "Voldemort, your wand is broken!" With a cry, Voldemort dropped said wand, which burst into a thousand, burning shards. Powerless, he fled away into the night. Harry turned in amazement to the man who stood beside him. The white light had faded and he was looking upon none other than Albus Dumbledore. "Where have you been?" asked Harry. "Where ever I have been, I am back," he said, "Things are in motion which cannot now be undone. I am Dumbledore the White, come to aid in the fight against Voldemort."

Version Five: "What's in the box?"

As Voldemort ran towards Harry, wand upraised, he suddenly fell to the ground, dead. A later autopsy showed that he had suffered a massive heart attack brought on by his years of smoking pot in dark alleys.

Version Six: "Western" 

"Time to kill Harry," said Voldemort, happily, to himself. He closed his eyes and disapparated. When he opened his eyes and looked around him, he saw that he wasn't in Godric's Hollow as he had expected, but instead he was in the middle of a field of grass and surrounded by cows. "Ummmmmm," said Voldemort. A tall man in a large brimmed hat came over, flashing a silver star on his shirt front. "I'm the sheriff," he said, "And we don't want people like you in these here parts." Several deputies arrived and Voldemort was quickly hung on the nearest tree.

Version Seven: "Vegetarian" 

Voldemort sat in the kitchen of his New York apartment, eating a salad. "Hm!" he said. "A cucumber!" As he was about to bite into this piece of food, the thing suddenly sprouted fangs and bit him! It wasn't a true cucumber, but instead it was Remus Lupin, who becomes a were-cucumber on every green moon, which is when there are three full moons in a month. Voldemort turned into a cucumber as well. All would have been fine for the Dark Lord if Harry Potter hadn't walked in just then. "Oh!" said Harry, "A cucumber!" He picked Voldemort up and ate him.

Version Eight: "The Eagles" 

The great last battle between good and evil was in full swing when Luna looked up at the sky. "The Phoenix is coming! The Phoenix is coming1" she cried, pointing. Fawkes swooped down on his scarlet and gold wings, singing his beautiful Phoenix song. The hearts of the good side were strengthened and they fought on to victory. Voldemort, momentarily distracted by Fawkes, didn't get his wand up to block Harry's attack in time. "Avada Kedavra!!" Harry cried, and it was done.

Version Nine: "Oh, nuts!" 

As Harry and Voldemort exchanged spells, they were distracted by the sudden appearance of a red-haired blur. Voldemort doubled over in pain and Ginny giggled madly. "Avada Kedavra!" cried Harry, and Voldemort died.

Version Ten: "Retainer" 

Unbeknownst to most wizards, Voldemort has for the last few years been wearing braces. Now, however, he has gotten them off and must wear a retainer. Unfortunately, this has caused something of a speech impediment. So, as he raises his wand to administer the killing curse on one Harry Potter, instead of saying the actual words he says, " Afada Kedhafra!" As he looked at the odd, pink piglets now flying around his head, Harry said the worst Unforgivable Curse. Voldemort's last thought was: "I've got to get a new orthodontist."

A/N: So far, we have a lot of ideas, but if you have any that are really good……………………………………………………..(Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Say no more. Say no more.)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: More psychoticness. 

Disclaimer: Version Fourteen isn't all our idea. You may recognize the beginning from Potter Puppet Pals.

Chapter Two 

Version Eleven: "The End"

As the forces of good and evil fought viciously for the control of the earth, the apocalypse came and everyone died.

Version Twelve: "Hunting"

Voldemort waited, patiently, for Harry Potter to come. Oh, he would come…he would come…. Voldemort heard a sudden rustling in the brush and turned toward it, wand raised. Stan and Bob, two guys up from Kent for a weekend sparrow hunting, quickly raised their guns and fired. When the smoke cleared (they had really old guns), they saw to their dismay that they had killed a person!!! Suddenly, several Ministry officials apparated and congratulated Stan and Bob. They tried to ignore the dark-haired teenager who was having a temper tantrum in the background, going on about some "prophecy" or other.

Version Thirteen: "Oh, Lukie…."

"Why do you hate me so?" asked Voldemort, as he and Harry yelled curses at each other. "Join me, as I offered you six years ago, join me and we can rule together!" Harry yelled back, "Why do I hate you?! You killed my father!" Voldemort smiled gently, "No, Harry, I am your father." "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????????!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!" cried Harry, aghast. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screeched, then fell down dead.

Version Fourteen: "Spiders"

Ron skipped happily around a field of flowers. "Follow the butterflies! Follow the butterflies! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! La le la le de da…" he sang to himself, dancing after the butterflies. "Ronnikus Explodikus!!" Hermione cried, annoyed. Ron exploded in a hundred pieces. One such piece, his spleen, to be exact, flew towards Voldemort. It landed in his mouth and he promptly choked to death.

Version Fifteen: "A 1985 Ford Sedan"

Voldemort and Harry fought hard and long in the dark graveyard beside the Riddle house. Spells and curses flew thick and fast through the twilight air. "Now, to finish it!" cried Voldemort, raising his wand dramatically. Suddenly there was a flash of light and screech of tires. Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, Old Man McGreevy couldn't stop his car in time and Voldemort was run over and killed instantly.

Version Sixteen: "The Knitting Needle"

Voldemort apparated in Godric's Hollow feeling confident that this was the last time that confounded Harry Potter would be seen alive on this earth. Smiling at this glorious prospect, he entered a red brick house he was fairly sure was the former residence of the Potters and would soon see the death of their son. Unfortunately, he miscalculated. A little old lady was knitting in a doily-covered chair by the fire. Voldemort backed out of the room, trying not to be noticed. He failed. "What are you doing in my house?!?!?" she cried, leaping upon him and hitting him with her knitting needles. One blow struck true and Voldemort was on the floor, dead from a knitting needle stabbed through his heart.

Version Seventeen: "The Love Room"

"Why won't this dang door open?" cried Ron, shaking the doorknob obsessively. "Come on…." muttered Harry as Voldemort came ever nearer. "It's locked, you morons!" groaned Hermione, rolling her eyes at her friends' idiocy. Suddenly the door gave way and burst open. A breeze of pinkish wind flung their hair back and past them by. Voldemort breathed it in. There was a silence. The Dark Lord turned toward them with tears in his eyes. "Oh, I've been such a bad man…such a bad, bad, bad man….How can you ever forgive me, dear, sweet children?" he cried then flung himself upon Harry and started sobbing into his shoulder. "I guess Dumbledore was right," said Harry, dazed. "There is something more powerful than hate."

Version Eighteen: "Into the West"

Voldemort started; what was he doing on this strange and foreign pier? "Come to the Elfhome," said a tall woman with beautiful golden hair and a deep voice. Dazed, Voldemort stepped onto the silver, swan-prowed ship. Elven music played softly across the water while the ship sailed out into the bay. Galadriel and Gandalf exchanged a secret smirk as the ship sank silently beneath the waves.

Version Nineteen: "Wedge to the Rescue"

Voldemort raised to finally rid the earth of scourge that was Harry Potter, when the door burst open. In came John Jarndyce and a bunch of random commandos in black. As Harry was quickly brought to safety, a baby-faced commando asked, "What do we do now, General Antilles?" Jarndyce looked rather annoyed. "I am NOT General Antilles!" he growled, then added, "You're the commando; you decide what to do next!" The commandos quickly neutralized Voldemort, Ester patted the rather flustered Jarndyce on the head, and everything was OK.

Version Twenty: "Beans"

As Voldemort entered the room where he and Harry were to duel, he noticed that Harry was wearing a gas mask and grinning. "FIRE!!" he cried. A bunch of fart-specialists sprang forward and filled the room with noxious gases. Voldemort gagged and suffocated.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: YEAH! Another chapter! 

Disclaimer: In 21 the cell phone ringtone comes from a McDonalds commercial (albeit slightly changed).

Chapter Three 

Version Twenty-one: "Can You Hear Me Now?"

Harry Potter and Voldemort were dueling ferociously in Godric's Hollow. They were each prepared to end this duel once and for all when: "Voldy, you sexy beast, pick up your phone," spoke a woman's voice from out of nowhere. Voldemort quickly whipped out his cell phone. Hoping to take advantage of this momentary distraction, Harry raised his wand. "No!" cried Hermione, "You can't kill a man who's talking on his cell phone!" Harry ignored her and did it anyway.

Version Twenty-two: "Number 88"

One day Voldemort was walking down the street when a black mahogany grand piano fell on his head.

Version Twenty-three: "Fuzzy"

Everyone has a deep, dark secret, even world-ruling, evil Dark Lords. Harry Potter sniggered as he envisioned the torture to come for Lord Voldemort. Yes! Harry had discovered his archenemy's darkest secret: his greatest fear. Harry sniggered again while Ron snorted in the background. This was going to be great! Just then the door opened and Voldemort walked in, completely unsuspecting, only looking forward to killing Harry Potter. Oh, if only he had known…. Hermione stepped forward. With a deafening cry, Voldemort shrank back in terror. Moments later he was lying on the floor, dead with fright. In Hermione's arms was the object of his dread: a Chinchilla.

Version Twenty-four: "I, Voldemort"

"I will kill you!" cried Voldemort, throwing spells around with wild abandon, "I will kill you all!!" Running madly throughout the building, he chased Harry, Ron, and Hermione. After ten minutes or so of frantic galloping, Voldemort had cornered Hermione. Harry and Ron watched in horror from over a balcony, looking down. Ron realized at that moment what he has forever been in denial of: he was deeply in love with Hermione. This meant one thing: he had to stop Voldemort at all costs. Quickly he grabbed the nearest object (a bucket of water) and dumped it on Voldemort's head. He didn't really expect this to help, but it would serve as an adequate distraction. As soon as the water hit Voldemort's head, however, the Dark Lord began to shriek in demonic agony. He stiffened. Little sparks of electricity ran along his limbs. He shook, staggered, and then fell to the ground in a heap. "It's OK!" Hermione called from below. In response to Ron's 'what the hell just happened?' expression, she shrugged. "It seems he short-circuited. Maybe that's all Voldemort ever really was: a deranged robot." As usual, she was correct.

Version Twenty-five: "Shudder"

One sunny day, Voldemort walked into Warner Bros studio, where they were filming Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. As he headed down the hall, intent on chaos and mayhem, he was suddenly distracted. "Wups! 'cuse me…" muttered the man who had just bumped into him on the way out of the men's lavatory. Voldemort turned, wrath burning in his serpentine eyes, intending to teach this fool a lesson. Once he caught sight of the man's face, however, he keeled over, dead as a doornail. "What'd I do?" asked David Thewlis, confused.

Version Twenty-six: "Ha, ha, you slipped!"

This proverbial last battle wasn't going quite as planned. There were several potentially fatal problems. For one, Harry had lost his wand. For another, he was currently cornered by the most evil Lord Voldemort. Things did not look bright for the good side. Harry gulped; how was he going to win this time? Voldemort advanced upon him, wand raised, about to perform the killing curse. Suddenly and completely unexpectedly, Harry turned into a puddle of green goo. With a very unmanly cry of surprise, Voldemort slipped in the puddle and broke his neck on the hard floor.

Version Twenty-seven: "What your dog hears"

Thosighs theiosh srkdjriod fmsduirjkkk kkk osfjdosll llfkd oijdkfsd Voldemort fiovjdklfjwlk diiiidf djfiojwel fjiojflsj bvlah jfi ik jf Harry fjdoisfjalgjsdgfioe dhflksdylkguyfiiido oosa; jfii la;jdksjfji magoagbeanumahba died.

Version Twenty-eight: "Caf"

Voldemort walked into his L. A. apartment one morning, barely able to keep his eyes open. "Coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……" he intoned, headed toward the pot of potent black liquid. He poured a mug then drank it all in one gulp. The Dark Lord expected to feel awakened and bright, but instead he felt as though his insides were dissolving rapidly. Moments later he was on the floor, dead. Han Solo walked in and poured a mug of the stuff for himself. He drank it quickly then frowned at the bottom of the mug. "Hmm!" he said. "Not quite strong enough."

Version Twenty-nine: "That which vexes all men"

"Soon, the world will see an end to the great dementia that is Harry Potter!" Voldemort promised and all of his Death Eaters nodded silently. This solemn silence was broken when out of nowhere came a teenage girl dressed in pink. She ran over to Snape and hugged him and stroked his greasy hair. Voldemort knelt on the ground, holding his ears in agony because of her high-pitched squeals of joy. As they continued, blood began to drip out of his weird snake-like ear holes, and it was soon mixed with brain fluids as he tried to reckon why Snape of all people would have that evil being known as a fangirl. Completely oblivious to the fact that she had just killed Lord Voldemort, the girl continued to caress Snape and squeal until she was surrounded by dead Death Eaters and a bunch of curious dogs.

Version Thirty: "Crispy Voldy'

Voldemort stood in the middle of the field which was the appointed place for his duel with Harry Potter. It was a dark and stormy night and lightening rent the sky in two. Unfortunately for Voldemort he hadn't listened when people told him that lightening strikes the highest object in sight, and so he was fried by electricity.

A/N: If you have any ideas, please review and tell us to them!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry, school got in the Way. Now the dark Powers have left and Summer and its Light have returned to the Land. (Okay, enough.) Disclaimer: I am not giving a translation of version 35 (hint: it says nothing). Also version 31 is a Far Side cartoon (sort of) and the title of version 40 is from LotR. Chapter Four 

Version Thirty-one: "Mime"

If a tree falls on Voldemort and no one is there to see it, does anyone care?

Version Thirty-two: "He"

It was a dark and stormy night as Harry Potter raced through the pouring rain towards the Shrieking Shack, where he and Voldemort would fight their rousing last battle to the death: his or his enemy's. Harry smiled, thinking of Voldemort finally being vanquished for all those the Dark Lord had killed: Cedric, his parents, Dumbledore, Sirius…. Upon entering the house with a banging of the front door—he didn't care who heard—Harry ran downstairs toward the only sound in the building: some weird squeaking, like a rat, almost. Once he passed the threshold of the doorway, he froze in horror. There was Voldemort, sitting on the floor in the corner, grinning madly. He was surrounded by bright colored balloons. Harry backed up, shaking his head. "HI!" Voldemort squeaked, clearly high on helium. Harry keeled over, dead.

Version Thirty-three: "The Best Computer Game Ever"

One day Voldemort was walking along the white cliffs of Dover, humming contentedly as he envisioned the bloody and horribly painful death that awaited Harry Potter. That insolent brat wouldn't know what hit him…Gradually a strange noise as of many tiny running feet came from the distance. As it got louder and louder, Voldemort turned, trying to see what was causing it. Almost before he knew what had happened, he was being swept along by a crowd of tiny lemmings. As they jumped over the cliff and into the roiling sea, Voldemort cursed the evil fate that had caused the lemmings to come and defeat him.

Version Thirty-four: "Grease"

Snape walked up the street. As he passed a group of chicks, he winked and slicked his hair back. The girls liked it when he did that, he thought, smirking. Veronica probably wouldn't like it, but she didn't have to know. Nor did Brittany, Samantha, Joy, Bertha, or Caroline. Snape straightened out his face as Voldemort came up. The girls wanted him to do this, so he would. "How are you today, my Lord?" he asked, bowing. As he stood up, he deliberately wiped his grease-loaded hair on Voldemort's robes. Immediately, the Dark Lord was paralyzed by the grossness and keeled over, dead. Snape smirked again; the ladies were going to love him for this.

Version Thirty-five: "001001"

0001000011101001010101010100000110011010100110011101001001011100100100101001110001001000001000100011011100100010010001100100110100110011101110000100010010001001000111100000000000000000000000000000000000000000111111110111111111111111111110111111100100000000000111010010000000100100100100010110101010101010110101010010101010101010

Version Thirty-six: "They were the footprints of a gigantic hound!"

It was a dark and stormy night. Voldemort grumbled to himself as he put on his traveling cloak. The death of Harry Potter and his final taking over of the wizarding world were drawing nigh. With a pop, Voldemort apparated on the moor where he was to meet the Chosen One. The moon was full and bright. Voldemort waited impatiently, glaring evilly at anything that moved, which, considering the fact he was on a moor, wasn't much. A hansom caring two men happened by. The night continued on until Voldemort began to doubt as to whether Harry would show. Suddenly there were shouts and the great baying of an enormous hound which sprang from the fog. The creature was glowing green. It leapt upon the Dark Lord and bit his face off just before Sherlock Holmes shot it in the head.

Version Thirty-seven: "What is Klivian without the second i? Spelled wrong!"

As Voldemort was reading a Star Wars cartoon one rainy evening, he noticed that one of the characters had an oddly pointy nose. Suddenly, Hobbie Klivian popped out of the book along with Plourr Ilo. She shoved him towards Voldemort and the Dark Lord was stabbed with his nose.

Version Thirty-eight: "Houston, we have a problem!!"

As Voldemort wandered down a random hallway in search of the Chosen One (who is actually Anakin, but whatever), he noticed a strange pull emanating from a room nearby. Curious, he moved closer, noting that the tug became stronger the nearer he came. Opening the door, Voldemort had one glimpse of a very messy room and an odd girl with a fedora before he was sucked into the bottomless depths of the black hole that is my bedroom.

Version Thirty-nine: "Fourth grade concert band"

Voldemort sighed as he settled down in a chair in the second row. He was being forced to attend his daughter Sally's band concert for the third time that year; it was bad enough that he had to pay child support, why did he have to suffer through these awful excuses for music, too? The conductor walked out onto the floor and raised his baton. As the fourth grade band began to play, Voldemort started to twitch. He convulsed all through "Hot Cross Buns" and around their second to last song his ears had begun to bleed. By the end of the beginning band's last piece, Voldemort was dead on the floor, killed by a bunch of kids with out of tune oboes and saxophones.

Version Forty: "I'm his gardener."

Harry smiled. For once he was taking the fight to Voldemort and he was glad to be doing so. His new Irish friend was providing him with someone to do the dirty work. The large, Eurasian bodyguard stepped suddenly around the corner, right into the path of Voldemort, ultimate evil incarnate. "Ha ha ha!" cackled the Dark Lord. "You will DIE!" The man simply raised an eyebrow and blew Voldemort away with a round from his Neutrino 400. With his enemy lying in a pile of ashes on the ground, Harry patted the man on the arm. "Thank you, Butler," he said.

A/N: Suggestions please! I need this finished before the book comes out!!!!!!!!!!!! (26 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


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